An Explorer, a Vacationer, or a Prisoner: Which One Are You?
Years ago, I was attending some conference somewhere and this question was asked by the speaker. They said, “think about your job - are you an explorer, a vacationer, or a prisoner?”. What a thought-provoking question. I’ve used it ever since in various contexts over the years. I’ve taught undergraduate and graduate level courses and ask my students this same question at the start of the semester. “Think about this class - which of these describes you best?”. I’ve used it when I speak at conferences, in workshops, in strategic planning meetings with board members, and in casual conversations with friends who are looking for a little clarity.
Now, I’m asking you. Are you an explorer, a vacationer, or a prisoner when it comes to your therapy sessions? Let’s take a deeper look at what each of these roles look like in the context of therapy sessions.
An Explorer
What does it mean to be an “Explorer” of therapy. Think about it. Explorers start out with a goal and are driven to persistently seek out that sacred treasure until they find it. They take note of everything along the way, process it, create a journal of their findings or expedition, pursue various routes, and rejoice when they reach their destination. The same happens for an explorer in therapy. The explorer takes the time to locate a therapist that they feel comfortable with. They set out with a goal whether it be to find closure and solitude, heal from past trauma, master coping skills for a certain diagnosis, or gain clarity and live a healthier life. The explorer makes their therapy work a priority, ensuring they show up ready to put in the effort, process the “tough stuff”, and attempt to actively manage every thought and emotion. They commit to journaling, reviewing their progress, and learn new skills such as meditation or particular mindfulness exercises. The explorer puts great effort into practicing vulnerability during their sessions in effort to get the most out of their time. And when they feel as though they’ve reached their destination and discovered their internal treasure, they rejoice and give themselves the praise for taking the journey.
The Vacationer
Vacation mode is laying back, coasting through the days, thinking about what the next snack is, and putting very little effort into anything. Being in true vacation mode is grand, is it not? We all strive for that worry-free, zero hassle break from life. Being a vacationer in your therapy session isn’t as grand as lying on a beach at a beautiful all-inclusive resort. What does being a vacationer in therapy look like? They show up, but unprepared. They leave a session and don’t really think about it until the next time they meet with their counselor. Vacationers are laissez-faire about the process and aren’t committed to diving into the “tough stuff” with intentions of healing and moving forward. They choose to keep their guard up and not engage in vulnerability with their therapist. They want the end result but aren’t sure about the expedition along the way. They spend little time reflecting, journaling, and putting those new coping skills into action. Therapy really isn’t a priority for them, yet it’s been on their ‘to-do’ list for so long they just need to check the box. The vacationer may see some change and move a little closer to their goal, but the progress is much slower than the explorer’s.
The Prisoner
We all know what a prisoner is. They’re the person who is being forced to do something they don’t want to do. They begrudgingly do what they’re told. They greatly dislike being there and are not very willing to participate. The same definition applies if you are a prisoner of therapy. Prisoners of therapy are there by court order, are being forced/pushed to attend, and truly feel like they don’t need the service. Your actions landed you in front of a judge that ordered therapy. You attend because it’s an order even though you feel like it’s unnecessary. You’re experiencing marital or relationship problems and your partner/spouse forces you to attend marriage or couples therapy, yet you don’t want to be there. Being a prisoner of therapy most of the time causes more harm than help. Prisoners of therapy show up, say very little, don’t believe they need the service, and do nothing after they leave. The feeling of obligation or guilt revolving around being in therapy only perpetuates the problem you’re trying to work on further.
So, how do we go from being a vacationer or prisoner to the explorer? Wait until you’re ready. When you’re ready to fully commit and prioritize your mental health and well-being, then seek out a therapist. Without being an explorer, you may be wasting your time… and your money. As therapists, we want you to be the explorer and fully invest in your mental well-being. You deserve that and nothing less. Your loved ones deserve the best version of you as well.
Lastly, I ask this question during therapy sessions and it’s a great way to reflect and prioritize roles in your life. It’s applicable to your job, the Sunday school class you teach, the group of friends you spend time with, your relationship, your board seat, the class you’re attending, your volunteer position, and so much more. In every role that you engage in - are you the explorer, the vacationer, or the prisoner?
